Becoming Juliette Lewis!

The first time I had a chance to perform was when I first tasted fear. I was six years old and had been chosen among other Sunday school kids to be a part of a theatrical and singing production on the stage in my large church during the evening service.

As the Sunday approached, I could feel myself getting antsy but it wasn’t until the actual day that my mind began to race, trying to figure out a way to get out of performing. I knew I couldn’t feign sickness because all had seen me that morning at church. As the evening approached, the fear took hold and by that evening, I decided to take drastic measures and minutes before the evening service and production were to take place, I hid in one of the church restroom stalls in the basement where all the Sunday school classes were held. From 7pm to 8pm, I stayed in that stall and the fear slowly faded away. At 8pm, I came out of the stall, went upstairs and as my family and others came up to me to ask where I’d been, it was then that I told them I had gotten sick and was throwing up in the bathroom. At that point, I “acted” sick and could have won an award for best actor, I was so convincing. I was six years old and to this day I remember it like it was yesterday. What a way to let fear take hold.

What was I so afraid of? If I could pinpoint it to any ONE thing, it’d have to be the fact that I just wasn’t in a place where I felt comfortable with a church full of a couple hundred people staring at me on the stage. I was deathly afraid of it? It didn’t help that I lived in a household where both parents or my older siblings didn’t spend enough time with me to nurture, teach and instill in me a level of confidence and fearlessness. Then again, I was SIX. It also didn’t help that both my parents were on the brink of divorce, with negative energy swirling all around me. (They ended up divorcing when I was six).

When it came to being the center of attention, I knew how to do it in all the wrong ways and had complete confidence doing so. When it came time to do something positive with my energy and growing talents by being a part of that church production, I fell apart due to fear. It’s interesting though, because just a couple years later, when I was in 3^rd grade, I used to give puppet and ventriloquist shows to the 1^st graders at my school, sitting in the front of a full classroom, with no fear or nervousness whatsoever.

Fast forward to late 2010. Here I am in Hollywood, having graduated from Southern Illinois University in Theater where I had lead roles on the main stage (in front of hundreds), playing a corrupt Civil War officer, Big Daddy in ‘Cat On A Hot Tin Roof’, and other productions as well as in the intimate lab theater: the duel role of Pip and Theo in “Three Days of Rain” and multiple roles in an original production on the life of Lizzie Borden as well as more roles in other plays, and now in the middle of a Commercial Agent Showcase, fear was grabbing hold of me again. WTF?

That night in late 2010 as I arrived at the showcase, my heart was the first indication fear was creeping into my psyche by starting to beat faster. As I waited in the hallway with a handful of actors (as well as twenty-five other actors filling the chairs in the audition room), the fear grew but I was able to stay calm, cool and collected on the outside. Once my name was called, I went into the room to find the 25 other wannabe commercial actors sitting and looking at me. I went to the front of the room where three successful commercial agents sat in Director style chairs, again looking at me. I handed each of them a headshot and stood in front of the camera where the teacher, Mike Pointer was looking at me and asked, “Tell us your name!” as he pointed the camera at me, sending my image onto a huge flat screen TV which faced the entire room. It was then that the fear I felt at six years old, returned.

As I picked up the sides and read a mock commercial into the lens for the agents to watch, the fear took my comfort level to an all new low and I wasn’t able to relax and read the dog food commercial naturally and as if I were talking to a good friend. In plain English, I sucked.

After I read the 30 second spot, teacher Mike asked a question that came out of nowhere (each actor got a different question to answer), “If drinking beer can give you a beer belly, can smoking pot give you a pot belly?” I did much better here, using my nervous, fear drenched energy to be spontaneous, funny and as “myself” as I can be given the unnatural surroundings and inane question, “Absolutely! Just like beer, pot can give you a belly as well. I know a couple of people that smoke all the time and they’ve got belly action going on. The more you smoke, the more it fills up your lungs and then goes into your belly expanding it. If you keep smoking, it’ll expand it and expand it and eventually, your belly won’t go back down and presto, you’ve got a pot belly. So, yes, smoking pot CAN give you a pot belly, just like beer can give you a beer belly.” After I finished my explanation, the teacher said, “Tell us your name again!” to which I replied to lens, “My name’s Myles Leighton.” and walked away so the next student could come up. When I left the room, I could feel my entire body trembling slightly, all from the four-letter word, FEAR. Why?

It was after this experience that I realized, quite angrily I might add, that FEAR is a completely useless emotion and one I want to rid my body, mind and soul of. I see absolutely no redeeming value in the negative feeling that took hold of me that night. What’s the point of my heart beating faster, palms getting moist, body starting to perspire, breath growing shallow, adrenaline rising, body trembling, my mind wandering, insecurities surfacing, focus and ability to perform suffering? All because of what? Because people are watching and taking in what I'm doing? Because I'm on stage in front of them and they may be picking apart my physical and performance imperfections? Because I’ve got this idiotic notion that I may mess up, causing them to laugh or ridicule? Who cares? That night, fear made me care. It seems like in that audition situation, fear took over my body whether I liked it or not. There’s gotta be reasons why.

Looking back at the audition itself, it was a combination of things that sapped my normal, relaxed self. First off, the unnatural surroundings didn’t sit well with me. I go into a room with lights and a camera where there’s a roomful of eager, nervous actors watching my every move, three top level commercial agents judging my performance and watching my every move, the teacher training a video camera on my every move and displaying it for all to see, a mock commercial on paper that I’ve never read before and have to read cold, with complete authenticity and only 90 seconds to impress one of the agents enough to where one of them will sign me so that my career in commercials will get the kick start it desperately needs. Whew!

To add to the awkwardness of the audition was the fact that I had read for one of the agents at his agency a few months earlier when trying to get representation. He had loved my look and said my resume was top-notch and after my reading, was in awe that I sucked so bad, prompting him to ask me why I had thrown away all my stellar education by giving such a bad reading. He recommended Mike Pointer’s school, “Hey, I Saw Your Commercial!” to me that day and I knew I had to go check it out:

http://www.heyisawyourcommercial.com/

The reason I gave such a poor reading for that agent that day was because the sides he gave me were confusing and having to stand up in front of him and his assistant and read to an imaginary camera after having only 5 minutes to look at my mock commercial was more than a bit off-putting. Especially since I’d not auditioned in a couple of years. When it comes to the whole audition process, I have to admit, I’ve never been entirely comfortable with such an artificial situation. The idea of going into a room with casting directors, agents, producers, directors and, in the case of a classroom, other actors watching, critiquing and judging as I “pretend” and put on fake enthusiasms and emotions in order to sell the product known as ME is not the most natural and comfortable situation I’ve found myself.

The commercial workshop where fear got the best of me was put on by “Hey, I Saw Your Commercial” where I’d recently graduated their eight-week program. During the time there, I learned the complete ins and outs of the commercial industry from Mike Pointer, who’s been in hundreds of them and seen it all. I learned so much on a variety of levels and when it came to fear, Mike always said, “Just blast through it, man and do the task at hand as well as you can. You can’t worry about fear. When you go in an audition, relax and have fun.” Great and true words. Why then was I letting fear take over enough to sabotage my reading, my audition and my possible representation? I’m certain that if I had not had fear, like a monkey on my back, to bring me down, I’d have nailed the audition and instead of writing these words, I’d have a commercial agent now. The thing to remember is, in an acting audition whether for a film/TV role or a commercial, the agents, casting directors, producers, directors, etc, all want to see an actor nail the audition. They want to find the person they're looking for. They want an actor to have complete confidence and freedom to give it their all. I learned a valuable lesson both in the eight-week class and in that commercial workshop.

Looking back now in the beginning of 2011, I know I don’t suck when it comes to acting, but at that audition, this fear thing really screwed me up and made me appear like I was bad. Having had a great deal of acting experience both on stage and in a classroom setting beginning at a young age, I realized that FEAR and my allowing it to consume me was robbing my potential now and that to me is completely unacceptable. If I could completely and forever eradicate fear from my being, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I view it as a complete waste of time and an emotion that robs the soul. Some people say to use that nervous energy and channel it into your performance and while that may be true to an extent, the danger with allowing fear into your being at all is if you’re not careful, it can overtake you and get the best of your talents, making you look inexperienced, insecure, untalented and foolish.

Looking back at my entire life and why someone like me, who has so many positive qualities on my side now, would let fear damage opportunities and corrupt my performances in auditions, it’s not only my turbulent upbringing where I moved around a great deal and was in private schools away from solid parental figures to nurture my formative years, but other things like: having a mouth full of crooked teeth from the emotionally tender age of 11 all the way to 21…Message to parents: When your child has teeth that come in crooked, instead of having him or her continue through adolescence with their self-esteem (which is already fragile) go to an all-time low, get their teeth fixed ASAP. In my opinion, to not do so is a form of psychological abuse because fellow teenagers can be cruel. I know I was made fun of and in turn, because of my horrific smile, had serious problems with confidence and self-esteem. Ironically, I didn’t have a girlfriend until I got my teeth fixed while in the military.

Other contributing factors to fear based insecurities in my past were times when a couple past relationships either put me down because of what I lacked in material or career wealth or the fact that even AFTER braces, “You could be a model, but you’d have to get your teeth fixed first” or “You’ve got crooked teeth”. Even the fact that a famous casting director I worked for as an assistant a decade ago, while casting a major motion picture, told me she was going to give me a part in the film and my SAG card, only to give the role to an ex-boyfriend in hopes to win him back hurt.

Just the mere fact that in the audition room, when I read for the role, she was nowhere to be found as my floundering audition was captured on video by her associate, who could’ve cared less whether I did well or not read lines with me, was damaging to my self-confidence. I mean, how hard would it have been for her to have been in the audition room, to help guide my performance by coaching me a bit? Trust me, it would have done wonders for me and maybe I would’ve impressed the producers who watched the video later enough to cast me. We’ll never know. What I do know is I never got a role in the film OR my SAG card, leaving me only with her empty promise.

Truth be told though, I need to take those negative experiences of my past and turn them into positives. I can’t let the past hurt me anymore because to do so is to let FEAR based emotions sap my creativity, my abilities, my talent, my being. I’m not about to let that happen. I’ve got too many redeeming qualities to let them all be suffocated by fear. I need take a breath, be strong and focus on…becoming Juliette Lewis.

In December, a few weeks after the commercial workshop disaster, I went to see a rock band called “Camp Freddy” at The Roxy on Sunset. It’s a band with a core group of successful musicians in the world of rock and roll. The entire show is made up of all cover songs and with a who’s who of surprise guests showing up either to join in on instruments or to sing lead. On this night in December, actress/singer Juliette Lewis appeared on-stage to sing a couple of songs with the band, including “Proud Mary”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfAu05EksMI

What I witnessed that night as I watched Juliette sing and perform was a fearless woman in complete control of her body, soul and mind. I was witnessing someone that had banished fear from her body and in doing so was free to completely BE on-stage. She exploded with unbridled, yet controlled strength, spontaneity, focus and energy that took hold of my psyche and impressed me to the point of change. It was then that I realized again that FEAR is a useless and negative emotion and that I need to rise above such limiting emotion and thought and learn to BE. In life I have no problem “being”, it’s in the audition situation that I need to learn to BE. It’s so not about worrying about nonsensical things like other people watching, judging or the like. It’s about…becoming Juliette Lewis and in so doing, conquer and destroy all fear from your being.

And, while Juliette Lewis has her faith in “Scientology” to fuel her positive fire, I’m determined to find my way to self-empowerment from a secular standpoint. On my own two feet. Taking the negatives and positives of my past and morphing them into an all-powerful and fearless me. Just like Juliette Lewis was on that Roxy stage that night. Only this time, I’ll approach my future with the attitude of becoming Juliette Lewis.

Closer To Heaven: Jonathan Harvey/Pet Shop Boys Musical Review!

“Straight Dave” not straight enough with a mid-style Pet Shop Boys’ orchestration!

For those not in the know, here's the synopsis of the musical "Closer To Heaven" according to Wikopedia:

The story is narrated by retired rock icon and actress Billie Trix, who otherwise has a fairly small part in the story. The opening number, "My Night", is sung by Billie and the rest of the cast, and is used to introduce the characters.

Shell Christian, is going to see her estranged father, Vic Christian, for the first time in years. Vic, who is gay, left Shell and her mother during her childhood, and now runs a successful gay club in London. Meanwhile, Straight Dave, who has just arrived from Ireland, is working as a bartender at Vic's club, although his ambition is to be a dancer at the club. After seeing and speaking to her father, Shell meets Dave, and they immediately fall in love.

Record producer Bob Saunders is a friend of Billie Trix and a regular at Vic's club. He sees Dave dancing and decides he wants to sign him for a boy band he is forming. He makes an offer to Dave, who has no interest in signing; however, Saunders continues to pressure Dave into working for him.

Dave meets and falls in love with drug dealer Mile End Lee, who deals at Vic's club. Shell is devastated when she discovers that Dave is gay, although part of her has suspected it all along. Meanwhile, Vic discovers Lee dealing drugs in his club and confiscates the drugs. Lee is worried he will be killed for losing the drugs.

At this point, everyone gets high on ketamine - Shell is still upset about Dave, Lee is worried about being killed, Dave is frustrated that Lee has withdrawn from him, and Billie, a habitual user, needs no excuse. Unfortunately, Lee has a drug overdose and dies. At Lee's funeral, Dave sings a song, "For All of Us".

A few months later, Dave is apparently back on the road to success and sings "Positive role model" to end the show on a high.

Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe wrote the lyrics and music while Jonathan Harvey wrote the book. It’s NOT just a “Pet Shop Boys Musical” as some of the ads and Dallas reviews read, but a “Pet Shop Boys/Jonathan Harvey Musical”. Just wanted to clear that up lest anyone forget.

The moment I walked into Dallas, Texas' Kalita Humphreys Theater, the immense scope of the stage struck me. Grand, beautiful and a blend of Caligula-ized night life extravagance. The acting, singing, staging and direction were all nothing short of incredible. Morgana Shaw as “Billie Trix” absolutely ruled every moment she was on stage: powerful, cheeky, witty and funny. Jason C. Kane as club owner “Vic” brought a strong, powerful element to his character, both in voice, movement, physicality and absolute power. Lee Jamison Wadley as Vic’s daughter “Shell” was perfect in both her singing and acting. Those three were my favorites in the cast of characters.

The weak link in the production and not because he’s a bad actor by any means, but just miscast was Coy Covington as sleazy record producer “Bob Saunders”. Part of the problem I saw from looking up Coy’s story is that “Closer To Heaven” is his 30^th production with Uptown Players. While that’s all well and good, I feel he got the part because of his being an integral part of the company and NOT because he was the best actor for the role. In his bio, he wrote, “Coy vigorously thanks Bruce (director), Craig (exec-producer), Jeff (exec-producer), John (choreographer), and Adam (music director) for the opportunity to be a part of this intriguing project and for casting me as a dude.”

INTRIGUING PROJECT? That alone tells me Coy isn’t clued in to the majesty of “Closer To Heaven”. Also, being cast as a “dude” reveals to me that Mr. Covington isn’t used to playing a manly man. I got some news for you Coy. DUDE, you ain’t the right DUDE to play a DUDE, DUDE!

Coy Covington just didn’t have the physicality to bring the dangerous, worldly, crass character of Bob Saunders fully to life. To be totally blunt, Coy, the actor brought a nelly quality to the role that got snickers from the audience and that is a very, very bad thing because the character of “Bob” is meant to be serious, sexual, rough, tough and powerful. Coy was none of those things. A terrible, terrible choice. That is NOT to say that Coy Covington isn’t a great actor because he is. It’s just someone dropped the ball thinking he could play “Bob Saunders”. Personally, I think Coy should have been given the job of creating wig and make-up designs for the show, like he’s done for many other Uptown productions. And, to be honest, I could have played a much better “Bob Saunders” than Coy. Much, much better, but that’s another story entirely.

From the first musical note of opening number “My Night”, I was very, very worried and on a musical level, my worst nightmares came true. The music was nowhere near loud enough and stayed that way for the entire musical. The producers, director, music director and sound designer obviously haven't seen "Rock of Ages" a similar club style musical...the straight version. If they had, they'd know what volume and loudness really means! I felt embarrassed for the cast, ensemble and dancers as they performed each number, especially the ones with wondrous choreography by John De Los Santos. I could hear the actors moving about the stage over the music and that is absolutely unacceptable. I was absolutely stunned at how low the music actually was. How could this happen? Where were the director, producers, choreographer, musical director and sound designer during rehearsals? Didn’t they hear what I heard? A muted and low sound, worlds away from the explosive, emotional, synthesized orchestrations created by Pet Shop Boys on their stellar soundtrack “Closer To Heaven” and in the original UK production.

What was I to expect though? As producer Craig had told me over the phone the day of the opening, the production were given bare bones orchestrations of the tracks from the PSB camp and their musical director, Adam C. Wright had the impossibly daunting task of having to recreate the incredible, complex and detailed musicology of Pet Shop Boys. Throughout the Uptown Players musical, the music sounded very Midi-like and amateurish on many layered levels which did more of a disservice than a service to Pet Shop Boys’ songs. We’re dealing with the Pet Shop Boys very strong sound, which in the hands of someone that doesn’t have access to the latest technology like PSB does, will fall flat. And, musically speaking and ONLY musically speaking, Uptown Players version of “Closer To Heaven” fell very, very flat. Stunningly so.

The number one problem lies with Adam C. Wright. His background is classical and jazz. On top of that and more important, is the fact that he wasn’t a fan of Pet Shop Boys before being handed the job of musicalizing “Closer To Heaven”, meaning he didn’t know their immense, lush, gorgeous, rich, dance infused, beautifully programmed synth based catalog other than Liza Minnelli’s album, “Results” that PSB wrote and produced much of.

WHAT? No! No! No! No! Adam C. Wright, while being a wonderful music director is sssoooo NOT right for the job as he is isn't clued in to the complex musicality of Pet Shop Boys. Adam said in a Dallas Voice article on “Closer To Heaven” and PSB: “The extent of my communication with them (Pet Shop Boys) was through their Twitter updates. I’d love to learn more about how they program and write.” Okay, here's the deal. If you want to learn how Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe write and produce, don't bother contacting them so much as they're incredibly busy. Contact their reps, manager, agent and get the contact info of their co-producer Stephen Hague as well as their programmers Chris Nightingale, Pete Gleadall and Chris Zippel as well as their engineer Graeme Stewart, James Brown and mix engineer Bob Kraushaar. Through all of them, you’d have been able to learn all you need to know to recreate the BEST Pet Shop Boys score ever! None of that happened though and at the end of the day, music director Adam C. Wright was completely wrong for the job. If you’re not a Pet Shop Boys fan and you're not already completely clued in to their sound, history and the sheer complex genius of their work, you have no business trying to re-creat the Pet Shop Boys music, style and sound for the musical.

I vividly remember the opening of Act Two when the instrumental "Hedonism" filled the Humphreys Theater with angelic imagery floating about the stage through lighting effects. The music as done by Adam C. Wright and his "band" backstage didn't live up to the original music on the "Closer To Heaven" soundtrack CD or the original UK production. To be honest, it sounded too simple and amateur in the type of keyboard/sounds used and arrangement. That's a testament to the complexity of Tennant and Lowe's musical talent and genius. They play and arrange so well and have masterful programmers that weave all the sounds into an unparalleled sound. To try to do it yourself as Adam C. Wright did, is like trying to recreate a Picasso or Rembrandt. It's just not possible. For those interested, here's a link to purchase the original Pet Shop Boys soundtrack: "Closer To Heaven":

http://www.amazon.com/Closer-Heaven-Shop-Jonathan-Harvey/dp/B00005RDD4

Musically speaking, I see a failure not just on Uptown Players part, but also on the powers that be behind the contractual things in place with the original production of “Closer To Heaven” as written by Jonathan Harvey and Pet Shop Boys. It’s obviously written in the contract that when other production companies throughout the world take on “Closer To Heaven” to perform, that they NOT be given the original instrumental tracks of “Closer To Heaven” as created by Pet Shop Boys.

When the musical premiered in the West End in London, a massive strength to the production was the music of Pet Shop Boys, not just their lyrics, which were also perfection. The rich keyboard driven arrangements and programming as done by PSB brought you head first into the modern, gay, club world of “Closer To Heaven” and the absolute pristine perfection of the danceable and groove drenched soundscape as created by Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe lifted the musical up to a gorgeous level that only PSB could have created. You could expect no less, though. After all, Tennant and Lowe had written, arranged, programmed and produced, along with legendary producer Stephen Hague (Pet Shop Boys, New Order, etc,.), each and every song, so it had a definitive Pet Shop Boys sound.

And, while the songs were by Pet Shop Boys, to have the musical have it’s U.S. Premiere by the bold and talented Dallas Theater group, Uptown Players but yet NOT let them use the original sound recordings as the rich sonic backdrop does damage to the story, production and legacy of “Closer To Heaven” and that is more than unacceptable…it’s disappointing, depressing and saddening.

If I had been a producer on the production, I would have told music director Adam C. Wright, “Absolutely not. The sound’s just not right. Go back and do it again. Make it as close to the Pet Shop Boys sound as possible, if not exact.” And, if Wright didn’t have the type of keyboards he needed to recreate the PSB sound, I would have invested in whatever he needed to make the sound right.

I also would have told director Bruce R. Coleman and sound designer Virgil Justice: "Turn the music up…WAY UP! I want theatergoers to feel like they’re in a dance club, not a library! Haven’t any of you seen “Rock of Ages”, the musical that takes place in a Sunset Strip rock and roll club? It’s booming! Make it happen here as well!”

And, lastly, I would have asked that Coy Covington, who played “Bob Saunders" be replaced: “He doesn't have the physical, rough qualities the character needs to possess to be truly sleazy, dangerous, menacing and worldly. No offense to the actor but he’s got to be replaced. If I’m a producer on this, I want it to be as perfect to honoring what Jonathan Harvey and Pet Shop Boys created as possible. I'm laughing at Coy and that's not the way "Bob" should come across at all.”

Jeff Rane, one of the executive producers wrote me the following:

"They do not send any orchestrations or even music along with the script. Both the vocal parts and the orchestrations had to be created from a piano book of the songs they send and provide. It is my understanding that this is the music that was used for the London production as well as theaters have live orchestras and don't/can't use tracked pre-recorded music. I'm guessing they don't want it to be like a PSB concert since its not the PSB. Adam used their CD to create the orchestrations from the piano book provided. We tried to get the music as loud as we could while still hearing the words."

Jeff obviously didn't read up on the original production or watched the YouTube clip from the original production of "Closer To Heaven" called "My Night". If he had, he'd know that the music received by him was NOT what was used, the original London production WAS pre-recorded and the music of that production DID sound like a "PSB concert". That was the original intention. Here's the link to the YouTube clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ouzdT5H6p0

“A Pet Shop Boys Musical” may be true to the extent that the songs are written by them, but we’re not dealing with a normal musical with an orchestral score that any professional orchestra can create to note for note perfection. We’re talking about a Pet Shop Boys created score that done by anyone else, will be average at best and at worst, laughable, as I’m afraid Uptown Players version in a MUSIC sense steers dangerously close to. As a matter of fact, there were a couple moments during “Closer To Heaven” when the MUSIC caused me to laugh and shake my head in sorrow.

That in no way means people shouldn’t go see Uptown Players production of “Closer To Heaven”. On the contrary, the musical as a whole is an amazing night out of song, dance, acting, staging, direction and story. I just feel that on a MUSIC level, I was thoroughly disappointed. But, then again, I’ve listened to Pet Shop Boys since 1986 and followed their rich and deep musical career throughout their entire journey. I have high expectations and for the U.S. Premiere, MUSIC-ally speaking, those expectations were not only not met, but crushed.

Now, on a positive note…for those going to see the musical that don’t know or listen to the music catalog of Pet Shop Boys, you won’t be as disappointed as I was. You will notice how unconscionably low the music is and may notice how amateur-sounding the music arrangements are at times but don’t let that stop you from enjoying every single other aspect of the musical production which is exceptional.

When it comes to the story of “Closer To Heaven”, I have some concerns. Was the name of lead character “Straight Dave” meant to be ironic? If so, cool. I get it. If it was meant to be serious, then naming Dave “Straight Dave” was wrong as he’s obviously not straight.

The character “Straight Dave” was nowhere near “straight” enough. One of the things that attracted me so to the musical, besides Pet Shop Boys’ genius and fierce soundtrack, was the story of “Straight Dave” coming into the gay night life, club world that is “Closer To Heaven”. Being “straight” myself and as a DJ/VJ, having been a part of the gay club worlds in both Dallas and more recently Los Angeles, I identified with “Straight Dave” and looked forward to seeing how a gay playwright would create his world.

For me: “Straight Myles”, I’m proud of doing away with small minded, homophobic, fear based ideals and looking at people and communities as just that…people and communities. Yes…I get hit on by men at the clubs and such. How are they to know I’m straight before they know me? And, sometimes, even when they find out, the flirting continues but that’s just part of human nature. We are all, after all, sexual creatures.

I know who I am and that’s a heterosexual or “straight” man who doesn’t find men physically attractive in a sexual sense at all. Zero. Nada. That doesn’t mean I’m not so wrapped up in my hetero-masculinity that I can’t (out of fear) say if a man is handsome or not. I always get a kick out of straight guys who say, “How would I know if he’s good looking. I’m straight.” All I say to that is “bollocks”. For me, and in an intimate, sensual, sexual sense, I’m only interested in women. That’s what works and feels comfortable, natural, pure and home for me.

Now, back to “Straight Dave”. On his journey to stardom, he begins, not unlike in the musical “Rock of Ages” as a worker in a club. Only in this musical, it’s a gay club run by “Vic”. While working there, he meets Vic’s daughter Shell, who at first thinks he’s gay. Who wouldn’t? What straight guy actually works in a gay bar? Take it from me, it can happen. After all, I have and do DJ in gay clubs. Remember, people are people. How they live their lives is their business and to be respected.

Anyway, in a very short time, “Straight Dave” and “Shell” fall for each other. Okay. Everything’s going along nicely. Then, “Mile End Lee”, a gay drug dealer enters the picture. Selling to club-goers, he meets “Straight Dave” and an attraction between the two of them happen. Okay. I can buy it. Just because Dave is “straight” doesn’t mean a sense of attraction can’t happen. It happens all the time in real life. A certain charm and energy from someone else can be attractive no matter if you’re straight, gay or whatever. Even, when “Straight Dave” and “Mile End Lee” end up in the bathroom to do drugs, getting high, leading Lee to seduce Dave in the stall, performing a private act on Dave, I can see the possibility of that happening in a one-off kind of way to a “straight” guy who’s in a high state of mind.

However, when “Straight Dave” cheats on “Shell” by going to bed with “Mile End Lee” and falling in love with him, I kinda had to draw the line. It’s like wait a minute. Take it from me, “Straight Myles”…This Dave character is so NOT “straight”. I veer about as far off the normal heterosexual path as a “straight” guy can go but with the storyline of “Straight Dave”, he’s driven off the cliff. Truly “straight” men do not have sex with and fall in love with other men. In an intimate scene between “Straight Dave” and “Mile End Lee”, Lee tells Dave after being called beautiful, “Blokes don’t go around calling other blokes beautiful”. Well, I wouldn’t go that far Lee, but what I’m sure of is that “straight” guys don’t go around having SEX with other men…especially if the man is supposedly “straight”. This kind of sexual diversion made me wonder why Dave was ever labeled “Straight Dave” in the first place as it’s very obvious he’s not. Trust me, I know what I speak because I’m actually “straight” and have never fallen in love with and wanted to have a sexual/romantic relationship with a man. On the flipside, like “Straight Dave”, I’ve found myself in the gay world, DJing and working to make a career spinning music for others and some $$ to make ends meet.

“Mile End Dave” ends up dying, leading “Straight Dave” to weep and sing, “For All of Us”, reprising the title track, “Closer To Heaven” before ending as a newfound pop singer with “Positive Role Model”. While that’s a near perfect way to end the story, I was disappointed and dumbfounded with the leaving of “Shell” in the background to collect dust. Storyline dropped. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. NO! “Straight Dave” loved “Shell”. Take it from me, “Straight Myles”, if the exact same storyline had happened to me, being “straight”, I’d have been like the “Prodigal Son” and come home to “Shell”, unbreaking her heart and showering her with my love, body and soul. That’s what a truly “straight” guy would have done. Not the way “Straight Dave” ends things. By getting back with “Shell”, the love story has a happy ending. Then, at the end, when “Straight Dave” sings “Positive Role Model”, it would make much more sense to see “Vic” (Shell’s father), dancing along with his career success!

Earlier in the musical, “Vic” sees “Straight Dave” in the bathroom stall with “Mile End Lee” on the club cameras, going to confront him and banishing him from his daughter. Why would “Vic” be dancing and singing for the success of “Straight Dave” at the end after what Dave did to his daughter? Actually being a “straight” man in the gay night club scene of Los Angeles, I don’t by this “Straight Dave” storyline. It’s just NOT “straight” or hetero enough. Why call the character “Straight Dave” then unless it was meant to be ironic? It’s obvious “Straight Dave” is anything but. At least from this “straight” man’s perspective. And, I’ve got years of life experience to draw on for my conclusion. Very few other truly “straight” men can honestly say that.

To end things, “Closer To Heaven” is a must see. Choreographer John De Los Santos did an exceptional job, making sure all the ensemble and dancers filled out the stage quite beautifully with fluid movement, grace and sensuality. The acting was superb, even down to the British accents. The direction was spot on perfect with full use of the multi-level stage. And, while the Uptown Players have a problem on their hands with the MUSIC they were forced to create for the musical with the sound being wwwaaayyy to low, which hurts the legacy of not only the musical but the songs themselves, everything else in the musical by the cast and crew (with the exception of Coy Covington) is more than closer to heaven...it's heavenly and should be highly applauded.

As for the music, Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe…AKA Pet Shop Boys, need to change up the contractual music side of “Closer To Heaven” and have their management provide the EXACT instrumental studio tracks as used in the original production of “Closer To Heaven” to future theater companies throughout the world who want to put on the musical. Otherwise, it’s not a “Pet Shop Boys”/Jonathan Harvey musical in the pure and true sense of the word and doesn't showcase the club world of the story to its full and originally intended effect. It waters it down and that's not a good thing at all.

One more thing to note, I was surprised at the similarities between "Closer To Heaven" and "Rock of Ages". Both take place in the nightlife worlds: "Closer" in gay clubland, "Rock" in a heterosexual Sunset Strip rock and roll club in the late 80s. Both have a lead: "Drew Bowie" in "Rock" and "Straight Dave" in "Closer" that work in lowly positions at the club and aspire to be singers/stars. Both leads fall in love with a woman: "Shell" in "Closer" and "Sherrie" in "Rock" at the club. Both musicals have a narrator of sorts: "Rock" has "Lonny" while "Closer" has "Billie Trix". Both musicals involve club owners and sleazy record producers and a cast of characters that work at or frequent the bar/club. Both musicals are full of song and dance that takes place in the bar/club. Both have happy endings with the leads achieving their dream of becoming a singer. It's almost like Chris D'Arienzo, who wrote the book for "Rock of Ages" (or someone else close to him) saw "Closer To Heaven" at the Arts Theatre in London during its original 2001 run and basically "borrowed" many, many story elements as created by Jonathan Harvey to create the book/story of "Rock of Ages". There's just way too many similarities.

"Closer To Heaven" plays October 1 - 24, 2010 in Dallas, Texas

Acting Truths, Realities and Wisdom!

For now, I've laid to rest my need for further acting classes. While I've learned more than I can put into words in the past two decades, it's become like learning to ride a bicycle when you already know how to ride. I mean, how long should one take yet another class when it doesn't lead to a play, showcase or performance? Money doesn't grow on trees (I wish it did) and classes can be hella expensive and all too time consuming, especially when you factor in all the outside of class rehearsal time.

A typical example of a scene study class is the teacher either gives you a two person scene or more often than not, has you spend time picking one out on your own. Then, you get paired up with someone in the class (hopefully you'll get along...most times you do). You exchange numbers and info with that person and chose times outside of class to get together and rehearse (the more often, the better). Before you get together, you have to spend a great deal of time breaking down the scene and memorizing all your dialogue/lines. Then, at the times you've agreed to meet, you either drive to your partner or they come to you and you rehearse, block and go over the scene completely. After all of that (talk about an immense amount of time), you bring the scene to class and put it up in front of everyone. Now, you gotta remember...with all of this, YOU are paying hundreds of bucks to whatever class you're taking. They sure ain't paying you for all your time. LOL

Back to the class. Once there with scene ready, you and your partner do your best and most production ready work for all to see. Afterwards, the teacher normally critiques the scene and has you do it again and maybe even again. Then, often times the teacher has you go away until next class at which point you meet up a time or two with your partner again outside of class, implementing all the advice and changes the teacher wants. After a few years of that, I realized I had learned enough and had spent a great deal of time doing scene after scene after scene after scene...only for the classroom setting. While that's well and good and helped me a great deal, there came a point where the scene work became more of the same.

At times, it really seemed like the teachers were just hoping I (and the other students) would continue to pay. After all, this is Hollywood, a town where hopeful, wannabe actors from all parts of the globe arrive daily in search of that most elusive career called STARDOM. And, with that comes a pervasive attitude that if you aren't ALWAYS in an acting class of one sort or another that you aren't a professional and one truly serious about your craft. To that I say...WHATEVER. And, to (most of) the teaching hands that have their hands out for my hard earned dollars, I say, I'm at a place of complete confidence in what I do and really don't need to tread the same ground at this point, thank you very much.

Throughout the years since arriving in Los Angeles, I've had the opportunity to study with many teachers and take many classes. Two stood way out in front of the pack. The first one being the Playhouse West (with Robert Carnegie and Jeff Goldblum). Ever since "Invasion of The Body Snatchers" in the 70s, I had always had great respect for the acting chops of Jeff Goldblum and being taught by him was surreal. What made things even more surreal was the fact that my sister Kathy always told me he reminded her of me. So, this reality told me I was on the right track.

The only concern for me was the fact Playhouse West ONLY taught under the umbrella of the Sanford Meisner technique which begins with intense repetition games, going on to life or death activities you bring to class and the scene work. What annoyed me was as Carnegie and Goldblum taught the class, there wasn't a syllabus type game plan handed out so you'd understand the manipulations you were going through now, all in the name of the technique.

It was all an incredibly intense way to get one to open up and become honest and truthful and for me, it hindered me more than helped because I've always been able to tap into the deepest depths of me and all with the ability to be a huge child complete with naivete. I just didn't gel with the Meisner Technique at all. That's not to say that it doesn't work miracles for many, many actors, because it does...just not for me.

A few years later, after going to other classes and learning from other teachers, I took classes with the world renowned Steppenwolf Theater with their Steppenwolf Classes West. I've always had immense respect for founders John Malkovich, Gary Sinise and Jeff Perry and had a dream to study with their school/theater. Since Chicago would have been quite the move for me, it was a great surprise when they brought classes to Los Angeles.

While I learned a great deal from teachers such as Shannon Cochran, Alexandra Billings, Laurie Metcalf, Linda Lowy and Jeff Perry, what ended up disappointing me was that with all the classes one takes with SCW, there is absolutely no opportunity for a play, showcase or performance (outside of class). Learning lines, blocking and rehearsing to perfection scene after scene is very, very time consuming and difficult for just yet another "class" performance with a group of hungry actors and a teacher monitoring and critiquing it all. That kind of environment works for a spell but I wish more classes and schools in Hollywood thought outside the box and changed the class time up with cold readings, scene study, monologues, etc, and cast actual plays for the public using students from their classes. Sadly, that's not the case.

As for techniques...while I've learned from them to varying degrees, I prefer to take bits and pieces from each of them and apply them as I see fit and with what works best for me. Sticking with just one technique just has never been my thing. I already know how to tap into being real, honest, truthful and the character as given without the heavy handed guidance of one technique. Whether it's Meisner, Viewpoints, The Method or whatever, while it may work for many, I'm not one of those many. For me, it distracts me from letting go. All that's not to say techniques don't work for many people, because they do in a huge way and for them, that's a very, very good thing. For me however, it turns into a very, very bad thing. :)

When it comes to TV/Film acting, here's some way good advice, straight from casting director Linda Lowy's workshop...

YOU are the CEO of your own business.

Open yourself up.

Be Prepared.

Don't be a victim.

YOU'RE in charge.

Have a Demo Reel with NEW stuff on reel. Keep reel current.

Find your strength and present that.

Know who you are.

Keep your headshot current.

Know who you are.

DON'T be negative.

Don't be afraid to take baby steps.

SAG card is a must for a serious actor.

Get to know others. NETWORK.

Learn how to get...SAG card, an agent, a manager and to meet casting directors.

Keep moving forward! Get into plays, showcases, training!

Go to plays. Watch TV. See movies/films.

When it comes to audition pieces, you must know...Who you are. Who you are. Who you are talking to.

When in doubt, less is more. Be certain and yourself.

Melodrama is out.

Be careful with accents in auditions. Better to NOT.

Own your scene/part.

Subtlety is your best friend.

When in doubt, be DIRECT and SMALL.

Believability is important in auditions.

Don't let theatrics overtake who YOU are.

Let yourself fill in character.

Don't over emphasize to where it's not natural and becomes unbelievable.

Stay in class. Get in a play.

Be on top of your part/scene/character.

Have your tools.

The following are some words of wisdom from many classes I've attended over the past 15 years which one can use not only for theater class but, equally important, in LIFE...

Be Confident.

Fullness of emotions are critical. Emotional behavior makes "lies" (acting) convincing.

Lose consciousness of your own self in order to transform yourself into the character of the play/performance.

Acting is an emotional thing. It has inner creation content.

Make it personal to me.

Emotional essence necessary in dialogue/lines.

Paraphrase (do) words as your own first, then do them as written.

A Point Of View...it doesn't have to be logical.

You have to have something to hold back in order to hold back sadness.

Act from your own soul and instinct emotion.

Use imagination and soul.

If it doesn't say all about the character world/life/past in text, make it up in your imagination.

Make the part your own. Make the cold text your own.

Foundation of acting is the reality of doing.

Be myself. Accept whatever comes out spontaneously.

Instinct changes dialogue. There's no such thing as nothing. Silence has myriad of meanings. Instinct dictates changes.

Acting is living off the other person in the scene.

Believe in the given circumstances of the script.

Text is logical for you.

Relaxing and working off each other is what makes a scene.

Meisner said, "Life is terrible I think." I DISAGREE for LIFE is what gives you nourishment for the stage.

It's best to learn lines without meaning and interpretation (by rote: mechanically without inflection or emotion).

Preparation: Find ways that stimulate you. Preparation is a warming up process.

Answer questions of your character and lock them in.

Physicalizing your moves forward or backward will help in all scene work.

Surrender to your character.

NEVER stop listening.

As your character, always pursue your goal in the scene.

Let go! Listen! Just do it!

Experiencing life enriches and fills the cup of acting: read, museums, films, travel, explore life.

The most important person is the person on stage with you...your scene partner.

Work off other person in scene and listen to become a better actor and make the scene real.

Have real experiences on stage in imaginary circumstances.

Stay in tune to moment to moment changes on stage and with scene partner and react accordingly.

Be strong, spontaneous, listen!

Moment to moment important!

Respond in a way that affects you. If provoked, let it out!

Move forward in the moment to moment on stage.

Listen and react accordingly. Listen and come alive! Feel! Be real!

Have real give and take. Work off each other and present moment. Take in what happens.

Don't be mechanical! Open up! Be responsive! Be personal! Be honest with one another!

Human involvement is a must!

Live truthfully under imaginary circumstances. Make it real!

Do scene as reality, not an exercise.

Bring your own unique sense of the world into your acting.

Be punctual and professional.

React and be affected by the other person. Listen and respond. Take what you're given and be real. Play off and with each other.

Acting is communication business. Use the energy. Speak up. Fully. Real give and take.

Have command of your profession.

Be honest in acting and reacting. Take in other person. Rehearse. Practice.

Interaction with scene partner most important.

Handle moments personally. Put yourself on the line.

Listening is key!

Be alive! Work on listening/focusing on other person and use what they give you.

Moment to moment is critical!

Words mean something. What one person says affects the other person and dictates what their reaction will be.

Be shy in life but NOT on stage. To reach FULL potential, do NOT be shy in life either!

Have confidence for no reason. When acting, have the utmost confidence because you will never be prepared enough. Interests will strike you from the other person. Take the moments. Be real and honest. Listen. Have an appetite to act. You have to have one to be effective. Allow your appetite to grow and happen.

Be truthful! Be alive! Come to life! Listen, react and respond!

In acting, the more specific, the better.

Reading body language is important. Pick up on things from the other person and respond truthfully and accordingly.

Acting is a product of human...impulse...feeling...emotions.

Be open, alive and alert.

You don't THINK your way through a play, you FEEL your way. It's about feelings.

Actor in you should be responsive, visceral and listening from moment to moment.

Actors FEEL. Acting with thinking is for the playwright. Writer writes WORDS, actor FEELS.

Have passion and tenacity and patience!

Be aware of luck and accidents in life that can further your career!

Be passionate and confident!

Always put yourself on the line!

Be serious and want it all!

Show people you can do more than they think and expect!

In life, take advantage of who you know!

The more you KNOW, the further you'll GO!

Rehearsals should be thorough. Maximize time!

Be passionate and full of life!

Open yourself up to what's going on around you and get affected honestly and realistically!

Open up and be stirred. Other person's behavior must affect you.

Practice over and over and over and over.

For a scene to be effective, you don't have to resort to anger!

You don't have the option to fail at your auditions.

Audition is performance.

Scenes don't happen to us. WE MAKE A SCENE!

a/ Move into world of the play.

b/ Move into imagined relationships.

c/ Have the authentic experience from the first word.

What is the conflict and how should I solve it? Solve it in scene.

Don't be showy. Stick to meaning of the scene.

You MUST have a point of view. TRUTH!

Acting should be just like living!

The person in the scene is the only one in the scene that can give me what I want.

Live in the world of the play.

You MUST have a POV.

Have sense that self is deepening.

Be strong.

Hold onto what works. Figure out what to adjust and what problems to fix.

Make it personal. Know play. Know role. Know other characters.

Go to general auditions.

Be an understudy.

Non-Equity opportunities are there.

Go to Equity website for Non-Equity auditions. Audition notices are on Equity! Equity can't force you to join. You can audition for Equity plays.

Self-Submission of headshot/resume a good thing.

Audition wise, go for what you have a passion for.

Do a scene you can get to emotionally. When you get a slot to audition, treat it like a treasure.

Preparing for an audition...

It's a lot of work and in audition, it's ME. Make strong choices. Be a good actor. Know & Read script. Know the world of the play. The when, where who is critical: Environmental, historical, place in time.

Find out about world of play. Not only from play but how director plans to do it.

Breakdowns of plays tell all.

Work with time given to prepare and BE READY!

Memorizing is best! Putting book down is freeing. Memorize dialogue.

Work on strategies in scene and play.

Doing the work on scene/script is critical.

Adjust volume to audition room size.

In audition, take charge. Make it what you want it to be. Present strong choices. Follow adjustments. Take direction well.

Once you know play, decide relationship with others in play. Exact nature of emotional. If you have to, be in love. Decide location. What is problem with person you're speaking with. What is your problem. Conflict is desire to change each other. Is relationship valuable enough to change? Action is something my character will do to change situation/relationship. Conflict and changing other person to get what I want.

Be really creative. How can I really do? What is my problem with that person?

Decide the world of the play. Make the role personal. Don't deal in characters but ME as this person.

Reveal something about yourself through auditions. Find something fun to play.

Make every moment justifiable. Love your character and justify him.

Figure out conflict intention. It's about the story you're telling. Your job is to change other person. Make your own decisions. Make it fun to play. Keep it moving. Don't linger unnecessarily. Be real.

Monologues aren't a speech. They are an idea that keeps going.

Know your role. Respect the play and being on board. Respect the role. Add on adjustments.

Be smart about directions.

Be real but don't take yourself too seriously. Let it go.

Figure out a PROCESS for yourself and TRUST yourself.

Don't play MOTIVATION. Play WANT.

Keep asking yourself questions.

What is the conflict in the scene (being chased by bear, your thoughts are getting to cabin).

Obstacles within yourself or others create DRAMA.

Find and discover moments.

Let the language work for you.

How much are you experiencing? How much are you living in the moment? What am I showing and what am I experiencing?

The moment before the scene starts is vital!

Make a choice and commit to it.

Strength of choice important! Bold! Strong! Create strong stakes!

LISTENING is more important than acting! Listening will inform your acting!

Don't be afraid of SILENCE in a scene. Silence is truly golden.

Don't be afraid to go further with a scene.

Learn the life and defenses of your character.

Find a reason why you need to say your next lines.

Character's point of view is different than audience's point of view.

Be your character's advocate. No matter how evil your character is.

Find instincts so you're always ready.

Do it on your own and be prepared!

Great discoveries can be made if, as an actor, you're uncomfortable. Borrow from it. Use it. Don't compete with the scene.

In rehearsals, try not to move unless you HAVE to. Allow moments and partner to inspire you to be present and move.

Tell the simple story and capture the audience. What is simple story and how can I support it?

TEXT is critical! STUDY it! Know when ARCS are and tie it all together!

With your character (s), just play YOU under the character's circumstances. What would YOU do under the character's situation?

Per actor Michael Biehn from his workshop lecture...

Be SAG! Be PERSISTENT! Find an agent or manager! NETWORK! Have a Demo Reel. If you don't, Film a scene YOU would be good in. Don't Pantomime in auditions! In auditions... BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!! There are many BEATS in a scene. Find LEVELS! Look at ways and moments to show many different levels and emotions!

LIFE is a Stage

I remember sitting in my 1st acting class shortly after arriving in Los Angeles. The year: 1996. The school: Playhouse West. The instructors: Robert Carnegie (founder) and Jeff Goldblum (legendary actor). The technique: Sanford Meisner.

On this day in class, Mr. Carnegie was teaching our class of about 15 and talking to us about performing on stage. He made it very clear how the STAGE is where all things are possible and that REAL LIFE is mundane and limited in scope and possibility. I sat listening to his words and was intrigued by what he had to say. The stage is where you can really be free and express yourself completely, without the same recourse that the real world would bring upon you.

I believed what he said to a degree but drew the line with his comment about life being drab and mundane in comparison to the stage. For me, LIFE is the stage and each day consists of many "scenes" in an ongoing "play" where we have a chance to "act" in the best possible ways to get the best possible results. In many ways, WE are in control of our "play" and the course it takes through our "act"-ions. To me, that's incredibly exhilarating, not knowing what each day will bring but doing my best to live my best in each of my "scenes", laying the groundwork and taking each step along the way to a most brilliant future. Enjoying and savoring the journey in order to experience the future of my dreams.

It goes without saying (but I will anyway) that I didn't stay with Playhouse West very long (4 months). I loved Jeff Goldblum as he was passionate both as a teacher and a human being and was the definite light in that school. At the same time, I wasn't too keen on the prim, proper, strict and staunch founder Robert Carnegie. He brought a tense energy to the room when he taught and it felt like you were being watched, advised and lectured to by a hard to please father figure. Jeff, on the other hand was fun, happy, positive, easy going, direct, yet humble and accepting in all ways. The MAIN problem with the school was the technique. For me, I felt the Meisner Technique was too specific and limiting in how you could be FREE on stage. A contrived (but necessary for many limited individuals) way to pull someone out of oneself and into the character and scene and play.

Side story...Tell me LIFE isn't the stage...I was working for The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences simultaneously, parking cars at the AMPAS building, part time. As an employee, I got two free tickets to the 68th Annual Academy Awards. That same year, Jeff Goldblum was nominated for best short film. I invited my sister, Kathy to attend the event where we saw many celebrities and stars (Quentin Tarantino, Tim Roth, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Mira Sorvino, Christine Lahti, Griffin Dunne (friendly, charming and smart), Sandra Bullock (wonderful to talk to) and many more. For my sister (and me), it was a life changing event. Sis Kathy had always told me Jeff Goldblum reminded her of me. Such a small world and beautiful experience to run into Jeff at the Oscars with my sister by my side. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me. Such surprise, like "What are you doing here?" I think he thought it was cool that I had the opportunity to actually be at the Oscars wearing a tuxedo and being amongst the Hollywood elite. It was.

The fact that my sister got a chance to meet Jeff, who was incredibly gracious to her, and that he was my teacher at the time meant I was on the right path. Within a month though, I no longer worked at AMPAS or had Jeff as a teacher. It still amazes me what opportunities I had right out of the gate in Hollywood and how those opportunities were gone just as fast. The moral for me is that when an opportunity arises, take hold of it with all your passion, strength and energy and savor each and every second of it, because in the blink of an eye, life can change and the opportunity will evaporate.